The beginning of "Beyond"

Well. After a few more crazy changes, we had an amazing wedding. I was possibly the least stressed out bride I have ever heard of. My Momma was amazing, she took care of all the weird little details, and Momma Brown kept her sane. I was able to focus on getting my home ready, and pack for my honeymoon.
The Poconos were great-awesome weather! We were able to spend a day in Hershey, PA and a day and a half or so in Philly. Morning shopping in Reading Terminal included Old City Coffee, candy from an Amish candy shop, and five 8x10 prints of Center City for the entryway of our home.
Back to real life for a rude awakening on Tuesday morning August 11th. My pulmonary appointment involved pulmonary function tests, and waiting for nearly 3 hours to see the pulmonologist. After all of that, he told me that my lungs were functioning at less than 40%. He wanted to increase my Imuran ( the immune suppressant) and add a steroid to reduce the inflammation that was causing the scarring in my lungs. He proceeded to tell me that if the medication didn't make some kind of improvement in a few months' time, they would proceed to put me in touch with the Lung Transplant Center. I'm not sure how I processed all of that without crying. I was alone in the doctor's office,and his "bedside manner" left something to be desired.At that moment, my thoughts started racing, and didn't stop for days. My first thought was to call my Daddy, but I knew that if I called him, I would cry for sure. Being newly married, I felt it was probably necessary to talk to my husband first.
I thought of Lynette Chevalier all the way home. I cried most of the way there, and for a good while afterwards. This was not what I had planned for the first week home from my honeymoon. I did not plan to deal with issues like these-ever, much less the first year of our marriage. Truly it was a test of my faith in God's sovereignty. It's an ongoing test, that I'm not sure I'm passing. Why God is asking us to go through these trials? I'm not entirely sure how He's going to use this for my benefit, but as I've told a friend of mine-God has given us unique opportunities to see Him work. He's got a totally different plan for her and I. John and I aren't dealing with petty issues, or fighting over silly quirks. We're facing a very uncertain future, and potentially huge financial strain. It certainly makes little everyday annoyances look like laughing matter. Fortunately, neither of us are absorbed with selfish little things, nor do we hold on to things, letting them build til one of us blows up. God has been kind in that regard. And I don't mean to infer that He is UNkind to put us through this test, but I sure don't like it. He is kind to give me grace to handle it, but I would rather not need so much grace-and that's just pure honesty.
I waited til John got home from work to talk to him. We laid on our bed and cried together for a while, and then we prayed. He prayed that God would give us the strength to walk to path He has laid out for us, and I prayed that He would give me grace to walk it with joy. I want people to look at my response and see Christ. Some days the joy is hard to find, those are the days I vacillate between questioning God's sovereignty and kindness, and berating myself for thinking such things.
I got to talk to my Daddy finally, on our way to Life Group that night. I cried....just hearing his voice, and listening to him care for my spirit...I cried a lot. My heart is always encouraged to talk with him about stuff like this, and to have him reassure me that, no matter what, he will be there, and he will be lifting me up in prayer.
It took a few minutes for me to calm myself enough to walk into Peter's house for Life Group.I hadn't necessarily wanted to be around people, but I NEEDED to be cared for. I needed to be with these loved ones. The music Ethan had chosen, and the passages we read were like a soothing salve for my burning, achy soul. John and I were in tears again within minutes. We took an opportunity to share with our group what we had learned and receive prayer and encouragement from our beloved brothers and sisters. I'm not sure they will ever know how much they blessed us that night-even as we stayed til the wee hours with Brianne, talking through things that she was dealing with. To be able to reciprocate the care we had received was so sweet.
So what now? I don't know really. I don't feel any different, but the increased dosage of medication makes me a bit more easily fatigued. I start training at Level One on Monday, Sept. 27th. I pray God gives me the strength to put in the hours required. I lost full sponsorship,as John makes too much money for me to be fully covered. So I'm down to 75%, which is still a blessing, but also rather expensive. God allowed us to sell John's motorcycle, and we received and excess in financial aid from John's masters program. So we will have about $3500 in savings for medical purposes....Sounds good, but that will be used up quickly. So we pray. We trust God to provide, and we pray that the medicine works, so I don't have to have a lung transplant at the age of 23.
And still I struggle with being content. I don't want to plan a family right now, but it bothers me to not know if my body will ever be able to handle it. It bothers me to not know when we can start planning to have a family. Who knows how long I'll have to be on some of these medications? Who knows what my next battery of pulmonary tests will reveal? God knows, and that should bring me comfort, right? Well, I'll be honest.....it usually doesn't. So until He reveals the next step, I will preach truth furiously to myself. I will sing truth, and read truth, and seek to hear truth from others, and ask for faith to believe truth.
"God's purposes will ripen fast, unfolding every hour;
the bud may have a bitter taste, but sweet will be the flow'r"

Long OVERDUE Update!

Wow, time has flown, and much has happened since my last blog! About 3 weeks ago, my daddy finally went to Sunbelt Rental to look into air conditioning units. Much to my dismay, it was going to cost almost half of our wedding budget to cool the barn, and even then, we couldn't guarantee it would be sufficient. Add to that the fact that the bathrooms were a little skeezy, the kitchen prep space was minimal, and the director wasn't keeping the grounds, it was very necessary to find a new venue. Momma didn't tell me this news until she had found a new possible venue-wise woman! The next day, we went and looked at the Greenville Little Theater. I tried to have a good attitude, I really did! We got out to the car, and Momma asked " So what do you REALLY think of it?" I told her I didn't like it, it wasn't what I wanted, etc BUT.....it was air-conditioned, ample free parking, bathrooms were more accessible for Gram and there was plenty of space for rehearsal food prep....I felt a lot better about it once John came with me to see it! So I had to rework my wedding vision. Needless to say, I was on the verge of tears for the next two days!
In the last two months, I have been taking a drug called Imuran. It's an immune suppressant drug, a type of chemotherapy in pill form. For the first week, I was nauseated every day, no appetite, headaches, and lethargic. I did eventually adjust, and haven't had any other issues with it. However, I have to be very careful to not get a cold or something akin to it, as it could quickly turn into bronchitis or pneumonia. Unfortunately, even though I had the Pneumovax, all bets are off with an immune suppressant drug. So I started feeling yucky about a week and a half ago. A Sunday, I think. The next day my throat was scratchy, and the following morning my chest was very heavy. So I called and got an immediate appointment at the GHS clinics. The doctor that I saw commended me for listening to my rheumatologist and coming in right away. We were able to catch the cold before it settled in my lungs. SO he put me on a beastly antibiotic for 10 days....my colon is thrilled-but I'm almost done with it. Most likely, after John and I get back from our honeymoon, I will up the dose of Imuran to a whole pill, which will be 50 mg. Awesome! I hate splitting pills! Momma was a little concerned that my rheumatologist wanted to up the dose, but I told her that it must be making some kind of a difference, sufficient enough that she didn't suggest Cytoxan ( the aggressive immune suppressant that can cause infertility). Immune suppressant drugs and another drug called Lopressor make it very dangerous for me to get pregnant.Obviously not a problem right now, but in 11 days or so.....:)So I made my appointment for the Gyn and went through that horrible experience, and survived. I think I would rather have blood drawn every 4 hours for 48 hours, than do that again!
For the last several weeks, John has been painting our house....every room but two! He's exhausted, and sick of painting-but it's done, and the house looks so much brighter and cleaner. As he painted, I cleaned; Baseboards, doors, trim BLINDS! My momma graciously helped me degrease the kitchen...and that was a HUGE job!
We got our bathroom and bedroom ready to finish and we went to BedBath&Beyond to get our bed set and shower curtain and new hooks, and Target to get our towels with gift cards we had received. we got home and washed the towels and sheets for our bed and got the bed on the frame. I was so busy unpacking stuff, unloading and reloading the dishwasher, I didn't really pay attention to the bed...until we tried to put the sheets on and I realized that it was not a queen-but a full. Ooooh man. We had been hoping to just get that room done! The next day we painted the kitchen and picked up a queen sleigh bed we bought on craigslist. Yesterday John cleaned the frame and vacuumed the mattress while I did some more work in the kitchen. After febreze and a new mattress pad, it feels like new. Our bed set looks GREAT on the bed, and it's finished!
I'm thankful that John LIKES the colors I chose, and he had such a loving attitude about painting for me. He's a good man. In character-very much like my Daddy! I am tired, and still have to drive home, so that's enough of an update for now! 11 more days of this craziness! And the Browns come this coming week!! I'm not sure who's more excited, me or my Momma and siblings! Can't wait to see our people!