Snapshots Of Grace

Why a change of title? Because I can. I like change. I love to clean and get rid of old things and organize. Including my thoughts. God has been teaching me, and I thought I'd share a peek, a snapshot, or "vignette" with you.

So it's been over six months that John and I have been married. I've learned a lot more about grace these last few weeks than I ever thought I needed to learn.
John is back in grad school, taking classes two nights a week, and one class that meets every third Thursday. He is also tutoring two nights a week, plus LifeGroup in our home on Tuesday night.
My brother moved in with us a couple of weeks ago with his white Husky/Chow dog, Brian. Brian is a wonderful dog;mellow, sweet and obedient. But he is white...and I have fuzzy chocolate brown couches, and laminate flooring. I feel like I'm constantly vacuuming and/or dustmopping. Having Randy here has been great, I knew it would be. He's always been one of my closest friends, and he and my husband get along very well.

Work at LevelOne has been the biggest cause of growth in my life these last few weeks. January hit with a busy leasing season, so my hours went back to crazy. I was being scheduled for almost 40 hours a week, and was back to the 3-midnight shift. During the week wasn't too bad, but Friday and Saturday nights are the only nights John doesn't have class or tutoring, and those days I haven't been seeing him at all. It's been proven that something about computer screens messes with the levels of melatonin in the brain. So after working 8 late hours, and needing an hour or so to unwind, getting up for church on Sunday mornings has been really tough. Furthermore, I'm starting to wonder how much longer my body can handle the stress of this job. How much longer before it shuts down again? Fear has definitely been a consistent addition to exhaustion and frustration.

John had Presidents' Day off from school, so I tried to trade away my hours, and requested it off, so that I could rest, clean, spend time with my husband, etc. I got up Monday morning to find that I still had to work...all day. I was so upset. This was possibly my first spiritual temper tantrum. I was so angry at God; I know he's all powerful, I've seen what He can do! So why could He not let me have this day with my husband? I fumed all the way to work, cried when I got there, and cried through my first 3 phone calls. I didn't ever ask for grace to make it through that long day. I didn't want it, I didn't ask for it, I certainly didn't deserve it.

But He gave it to me anyway.

Isn't that so kind? Isn't that so like God? Kind of like Ephesians 2. I was dead in sin, doing exactly what my corrupt nature told me to do. But God...God was rich in mercy. He made me new. He showed me Jesus, and gave me understanding as to what Jesus had done. I didn't want it, I didn't ask for it, I certainly didn't deserve it.

But He gave it to me anyway.

I am humbled. Repentant.Thankful. Ready to be made more like Jesus.
Brother Josh McCarnan led our LifeGroup this last week so John could study for a ginormous Abstract Algebra test on Wednesday. We were discussing Pastor Conley's teaching of Matthew 14, where Jesus walks on water. We reviewed what we discussed last week; the disciples just having seen Jesus feed 25,000+ people, still did not see Jesus for who he was. They saw a man who could meet their material needs. So Jesus sends them out in a boat, sends the crowd away and retreats to spend time in prayer with the Father. Then this storm comes; the disciples fight for their lives in this storm for nine hours. Nine hours! Skip ahead, past Peter walking on the water, to the part where Jesus climbs into the boat.....

The storm immediately stops. The disciples response; "Truly, you are the Son of God" *Insert angelic voices*
They finally got it! That was the whole point; Jesus brought them through the storm of fear and frustration and into the calm of faith and worship. The point of the storm was to bring them to the point of seeing Jesus for who he is. That is worship. To acknowledge God for who He is.

So the purpose of my "storms"....To show me who my God is. To bring me to faith and worship. To make me more like Jesus. And I'm so thankful that God is more faithful than I am. I'm faithful sometimes. I'm faithful (almost always) when life is easy. I'm faithful (a lot of the time) when things are hard. But like every sinner, I get to a point where I freak out and think it's time to take back control of the situation. But as soon as Jesus "steps into the boat", my storm is over.

So Jesus, can you please quit walking on water?? I know it's really cool and all, but I just need you to stay by my side. All of the time. I need you to be in control all of the time, 'kay??
"If you can calm the sea, then you can comfort me
If winds obey your voice, why should I fear their noise?
And though my eyes can't see,
I know you're with me.
Peace, you give me peace
when the storms come and I'm afraid
Peace, you give me peace
when I trust in the words you say.
You give me peace"

I think this is where my difficulty lies. It's hard to trust the words he's said, if I don't know what he's said. It's tough to claim promises if I haven't read them, meditated on them, rejoiced in them.