Well. After a few more crazy changes, we had an amazing wedding. I was possibly the least stressed out bride I have ever heard of. My Momma was amazing, she took care of all the weird little details, and Momma Brown kept her sane. I was able to focus on getting my home ready, and pack for my honeymoon.
The Poconos were great-awesome weather! We were able to spend a day in Hershey, PA and a day and a half or so in Philly. Morning shopping in Reading Terminal included Old City Coffee, candy from an Amish candy shop, and five 8x10 prints of Center City for the entryway of our home.
Back to real life for a rude awakening on Tuesday morning August 11th. My pulmonary appointment involved pulmonary function tests, and waiting for nearly 3 hours to see the pulmonologist. After all of that, he told me that my lungs were functioning at less than 40%. He wanted to increase my Imuran ( the immune suppressant) and add a steroid to reduce the inflammation that was causing the scarring in my lungs. He proceeded to tell me that if the medication didn't make some kind of improvement in a few months' time, they would proceed to put me in touch with the Lung Transplant Center. I'm not sure how I processed all of that without crying. I was alone in the doctor's office,and his "bedside manner" left something to be desired.At that moment, my thoughts started racing, and didn't stop for days. My first thought was to call my Daddy, but I knew that if I called him, I would cry for sure. Being newly married, I felt it was probably necessary to talk to my husband first.
I thought of Lynette Chevalier all the way home. I cried most of the way there, and for a good while afterwards. This was not what I had planned for the first week home from my honeymoon. I did not plan to deal with issues like these-ever, much less the first year of our marriage. Truly it was a test of my faith in God's sovereignty. It's an ongoing test, that I'm not sure I'm passing. Why God is asking us to go through these trials? I'm not entirely sure how He's going to use this for my benefit, but as I've told a friend of mine-God has given us unique opportunities to see Him work. He's got a totally different plan for her and I. John and I aren't dealing with petty issues, or fighting over silly quirks. We're facing a very uncertain future, and potentially huge financial strain. It certainly makes little everyday annoyances look like laughing matter. Fortunately, neither of us are absorbed with selfish little things, nor do we hold on to things, letting them build til one of us blows up. God has been kind in that regard. And I don't mean to infer that He is UNkind to put us through this test, but I sure don't like it. He is kind to give me grace to handle it, but I would rather not need so much grace-and that's just pure honesty.
I waited til John got home from work to talk to him. We laid on our bed and cried together for a while, and then we prayed. He prayed that God would give us the strength to walk to path He has laid out for us, and I prayed that He would give me grace to walk it with joy. I want people to look at my response and see Christ. Some days the joy is hard to find, those are the days I vacillate between questioning God's sovereignty and kindness, and berating myself for thinking such things.
I got to talk to my Daddy finally, on our way to Life Group that night. I cried....just hearing his voice, and listening to him care for my spirit...I cried a lot. My heart is always encouraged to talk with him about stuff like this, and to have him reassure me that, no matter what, he will be there, and he will be lifting me up in prayer.
It took a few minutes for me to calm myself enough to walk into Peter's house for Life Group.I hadn't necessarily wanted to be around people, but I NEEDED to be cared for. I needed to be with these loved ones. The music Ethan had chosen, and the passages we read were like a soothing salve for my burning, achy soul. John and I were in tears again within minutes. We took an opportunity to share with our group what we had learned and receive prayer and encouragement from our beloved brothers and sisters. I'm not sure they will ever know how much they blessed us that night-even as we stayed til the wee hours with Brianne, talking through things that she was dealing with. To be able to reciprocate the care we had received was so sweet.
So what now? I don't know really. I don't feel any different, but the increased dosage of medication makes me a bit more easily fatigued. I start training at Level One on Monday, Sept. 27th. I pray God gives me the strength to put in the hours required. I lost full sponsorship,as John makes too much money for me to be fully covered. So I'm down to 75%, which is still a blessing, but also rather expensive. God allowed us to sell John's motorcycle, and we received and excess in financial aid from John's masters program. So we will have about $3500 in savings for medical purposes....Sounds good, but that will be used up quickly. So we pray. We trust God to provide, and we pray that the medicine works, so I don't have to have a lung transplant at the age of 23.
And still I struggle with being content. I don't want to plan a family right now, but it bothers me to not know if my body will ever be able to handle it. It bothers me to not know when we can start planning to have a family. Who knows how long I'll have to be on some of these medications? Who knows what my next battery of pulmonary tests will reveal? God knows, and that should bring me comfort, right? Well, I'll be honest.....it usually doesn't. So until He reveals the next step, I will preach truth furiously to myself. I will sing truth, and read truth, and seek to hear truth from others, and ask for faith to believe truth.
"God's purposes will ripen fast, unfolding every hour;
the bud may have a bitter taste, but sweet will be the flow'r"
Friday, September 17, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Long OVERDUE Update!
Wow, time has flown, and much has happened since my last blog! About 3 weeks ago, my daddy finally went to Sunbelt Rental to look into air conditioning units. Much to my dismay, it was going to cost almost half of our wedding budget to cool the barn, and even then, we couldn't guarantee it would be sufficient. Add to that the fact that the bathrooms were a little skeezy, the kitchen prep space was minimal, and the director wasn't keeping the grounds, it was very necessary to find a new venue. Momma didn't tell me this news until she had found a new possible venue-wise woman! The next day, we went and looked at the Greenville Little Theater. I tried to have a good attitude, I really did! We got out to the car, and Momma asked " So what do you REALLY think of it?" I told her I didn't like it, it wasn't what I wanted, etc BUT.....it was air-conditioned, ample free parking, bathrooms were more accessible for Gram and there was plenty of space for rehearsal food prep....I felt a lot better about it once John came with me to see it! So I had to rework my wedding vision. Needless to say, I was on the verge of tears for the next two days!
In the last two months, I have been taking a drug called Imuran. It's an immune suppressant drug, a type of chemotherapy in pill form. For the first week, I was nauseated every day, no appetite, headaches, and lethargic. I did eventually adjust, and haven't had any other issues with it. However, I have to be very careful to not get a cold or something akin to it, as it could quickly turn into bronchitis or pneumonia. Unfortunately, even though I had the Pneumovax, all bets are off with an immune suppressant drug. So I started feeling yucky about a week and a half ago. A Sunday, I think. The next day my throat was scratchy, and the following morning my chest was very heavy. So I called and got an immediate appointment at the GHS clinics. The doctor that I saw commended me for listening to my rheumatologist and coming in right away. We were able to catch the cold before it settled in my lungs. SO he put me on a beastly antibiotic for 10 days....my colon is thrilled-but I'm almost done with it. Most likely, after John and I get back from our honeymoon, I will up the dose of Imuran to a whole pill, which will be 50 mg. Awesome! I hate splitting pills! Momma was a little concerned that my rheumatologist wanted to up the dose, but I told her that it must be making some kind of a difference, sufficient enough that she didn't suggest Cytoxan ( the aggressive immune suppressant that can cause infertility). Immune suppressant drugs and another drug called Lopressor make it very dangerous for me to get pregnant.Obviously not a problem right now, but in 11 days or so.....:)So I made my appointment for the Gyn and went through that horrible experience, and survived. I think I would rather have blood drawn every 4 hours for 48 hours, than do that again!
For the last several weeks, John has been painting our house....every room but two! He's exhausted, and sick of painting-but it's done, and the house looks so much brighter and cleaner. As he painted, I cleaned; Baseboards, doors, trim BLINDS! My momma graciously helped me degrease the kitchen...and that was a HUGE job!
We got our bathroom and bedroom ready to finish and we went to BedBath&Beyond to get our bed set and shower curtain and new hooks, and Target to get our towels with gift cards we had received. we got home and washed the towels and sheets for our bed and got the bed on the frame. I was so busy unpacking stuff, unloading and reloading the dishwasher, I didn't really pay attention to the bed...until we tried to put the sheets on and I realized that it was not a queen-but a full. Ooooh man. We had been hoping to just get that room done! The next day we painted the kitchen and picked up a queen sleigh bed we bought on craigslist. Yesterday John cleaned the frame and vacuumed the mattress while I did some more work in the kitchen. After febreze and a new mattress pad, it feels like new. Our bed set looks GREAT on the bed, and it's finished!
I'm thankful that John LIKES the colors I chose, and he had such a loving attitude about painting for me. He's a good man. In character-very much like my Daddy! I am tired, and still have to drive home, so that's enough of an update for now! 11 more days of this craziness! And the Browns come this coming week!! I'm not sure who's more excited, me or my Momma and siblings! Can't wait to see our people!
In the last two months, I have been taking a drug called Imuran. It's an immune suppressant drug, a type of chemotherapy in pill form. For the first week, I was nauseated every day, no appetite, headaches, and lethargic. I did eventually adjust, and haven't had any other issues with it. However, I have to be very careful to not get a cold or something akin to it, as it could quickly turn into bronchitis or pneumonia. Unfortunately, even though I had the Pneumovax, all bets are off with an immune suppressant drug. So I started feeling yucky about a week and a half ago. A Sunday, I think. The next day my throat was scratchy, and the following morning my chest was very heavy. So I called and got an immediate appointment at the GHS clinics. The doctor that I saw commended me for listening to my rheumatologist and coming in right away. We were able to catch the cold before it settled in my lungs. SO he put me on a beastly antibiotic for 10 days....my colon is thrilled-but I'm almost done with it. Most likely, after John and I get back from our honeymoon, I will up the dose of Imuran to a whole pill, which will be 50 mg. Awesome! I hate splitting pills! Momma was a little concerned that my rheumatologist wanted to up the dose, but I told her that it must be making some kind of a difference, sufficient enough that she didn't suggest Cytoxan ( the aggressive immune suppressant that can cause infertility). Immune suppressant drugs and another drug called Lopressor make it very dangerous for me to get pregnant.Obviously not a problem right now, but in 11 days or so.....:)So I made my appointment for the Gyn and went through that horrible experience, and survived. I think I would rather have blood drawn every 4 hours for 48 hours, than do that again!
For the last several weeks, John has been painting our house....every room but two! He's exhausted, and sick of painting-but it's done, and the house looks so much brighter and cleaner. As he painted, I cleaned; Baseboards, doors, trim BLINDS! My momma graciously helped me degrease the kitchen...and that was a HUGE job!
We got our bathroom and bedroom ready to finish and we went to BedBath&Beyond to get our bed set and shower curtain and new hooks, and Target to get our towels with gift cards we had received. we got home and washed the towels and sheets for our bed and got the bed on the frame. I was so busy unpacking stuff, unloading and reloading the dishwasher, I didn't really pay attention to the bed...until we tried to put the sheets on and I realized that it was not a queen-but a full. Ooooh man. We had been hoping to just get that room done! The next day we painted the kitchen and picked up a queen sleigh bed we bought on craigslist. Yesterday John cleaned the frame and vacuumed the mattress while I did some more work in the kitchen. After febreze and a new mattress pad, it feels like new. Our bed set looks GREAT on the bed, and it's finished!
I'm thankful that John LIKES the colors I chose, and he had such a loving attitude about painting for me. He's a good man. In character-very much like my Daddy! I am tired, and still have to drive home, so that's enough of an update for now! 11 more days of this craziness! And the Browns come this coming week!! I'm not sure who's more excited, me or my Momma and siblings! Can't wait to see our people!
Friday, May 21, 2010
"I just keep trusting my Lord, as I walk along...
....I just keep trusting my Lord, and He gives a song. Though the storm clouds darken the sky o'er the heavn'ly trail, I just keep trusting my Lord-He will never fail!"
God sees fit to keep me on my knees, not literally, because I would be in rough shape! But spiritually speaking, of course. Yesterday my boss, Angelena, came home and informed me that she had lost her job. GHS had found a hairdresser who could live on site and have full availability to take care of the residents' hair. Angelena was stunned but thrilled to be home for the summer, and the possibility of reopening her salon later. God gave me MUCH grace to let my face speak joy ( my face talks pretty loud, I'm afraid ), instead of panic. Just this week I received a reply to an application I had sent to a family with triplets. So God allowed me to have something in the works before I even lost this job.
I just sent the resume/references tonight, and I'm praying for grace to trust God with the outcome-good or bad, job or no job, God is still good and he's worthy to be praised.
God has prepared my heart for this through combined Bible study this week. We were in Psalm 136, every verse ends with the promise of God's steadfast love enduring forever. So Ben gave us a sheet to fill in our own "good things" that God has given because of His steadfast love. Some of the things we came up with: "O give thanks to God who gives peace in the midst of my trials, for his steadfast love endures forever, who gives a song to the heavy heart, for his steadfast love endures forever. He provides for my daily needs, for his steadfast love endures forever."
I can see how he prepared me to increase my faith through what he taught me last week. By God's grace alone, I'm not freaking out. By His grace alone, I'm relearning to trust, to depend, to lean, and find joy in my God and his all-wise plan, for my life and John's.
"Near the cross! Oh Lamb of God, bring it's scenes before me; Help me walk from day to day with it's shadows o'er me. In the cross, in the cross be my glory ever, til my raptured soul shall find rest beyond the river."
God sees fit to keep me on my knees, not literally, because I would be in rough shape! But spiritually speaking, of course. Yesterday my boss, Angelena, came home and informed me that she had lost her job. GHS had found a hairdresser who could live on site and have full availability to take care of the residents' hair. Angelena was stunned but thrilled to be home for the summer, and the possibility of reopening her salon later. God gave me MUCH grace to let my face speak joy ( my face talks pretty loud, I'm afraid ), instead of panic. Just this week I received a reply to an application I had sent to a family with triplets. So God allowed me to have something in the works before I even lost this job.
I just sent the resume/references tonight, and I'm praying for grace to trust God with the outcome-good or bad, job or no job, God is still good and he's worthy to be praised.
God has prepared my heart for this through combined Bible study this week. We were in Psalm 136, every verse ends with the promise of God's steadfast love enduring forever. So Ben gave us a sheet to fill in our own "good things" that God has given because of His steadfast love. Some of the things we came up with: "O give thanks to God who gives peace in the midst of my trials, for his steadfast love endures forever, who gives a song to the heavy heart, for his steadfast love endures forever. He provides for my daily needs, for his steadfast love endures forever."
I can see how he prepared me to increase my faith through what he taught me last week. By God's grace alone, I'm not freaking out. By His grace alone, I'm relearning to trust, to depend, to lean, and find joy in my God and his all-wise plan, for my life and John's.
"Near the cross! Oh Lamb of God, bring it's scenes before me; Help me walk from day to day with it's shadows o'er me. In the cross, in the cross be my glory ever, til my raptured soul shall find rest beyond the river."
Monday, May 17, 2010
Faith: substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.
My heart took quite a rebuke last night...Pastor Conley was in Matthew, where we have been for a couple of months now. the second half of Matthew chapter 9. He described the desperation of Jairus who came to Jesus to ask him to raise his daughter from the dead. He explained what the woman with the issue of blood had dealt with for 12 years, how it had made her ceremonially unclean, and cut her off from her family. Her faith in the power Christ had to heal her made her reason that if she could just touch his coat, she could be healed.
And then the Holy Spirit started poking....." you've had this disease for six years....when have you ever asked Me to heal you? Do you think that I can't? When you were in the hospital, did you ask Me to heal you?"
"Never...Lord, I'm sure you could, if you wanted to....Well, no-I didn't..."
Why not? Why had that thought never occurred to me? Why had I never considered asking the One who made my body to heal it?
I think I've gotten so caught up with striving to trust God's sovereignty, that I just accept what happens and go on with life. Well, why shouldn't I ask God to heal me?? Just because I can't physically touch Christ, does not mean that He's unable to heal me. Maybe I've come to a conclusion-however false-that God doesn't do miracles like that anymore....WRONG! My brother Nathan is walking proof that God stills performs miracles:)
Mark 9:23-24 " Jesus said to him, ' If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.' Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, 'Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!' "
I think that's where I find my heart, struggling to believe in the power of a God who has already done so much to prove His might. Knowing my faith should be stronger because of prayer He has answered and needs He has met. It's a harsh reality check, and a large slice of humble pie. I have not arrived. I have much to learn about my God....oh so much! I think the omnipotence of God is a theology recited, not necessarily practiced. I should believe it because I have seen it, so why don't I? Because He's not done teaching me, I'm not done learning, I don't fully comprehend His capabilities. Who am I kidding? Forget fully comprehending-I BARELY comprehend the depths of His power.
The specific passage escapes me, but I am looking forward to the day that His glory will be revealed. I will no longer be looking through a dark glass, the veil will be fully lifted from my understanding AND I SHALL SEE HIM AS HE IS! The thought makes me weep....someday I will understand, and rejoice in who God is. Perfectly; unadulterated worship, undistracted by my pride, or my stomach, or my tired feet, etc. Perfectly.
Eternally; I will enjoy Him forever and ever tire of him. Better than a crazy-awesome roller coaster with no waiting lines, it won't make me sick and the thrill will never leave:) Righteous!
"But until then, my heart will go on singing. Until then, with joy I'll carry on. Until the day my eyes behold that city, until the day God calls me home!"
And then the Holy Spirit started poking....." you've had this disease for six years....when have you ever asked Me to heal you? Do you think that I can't? When you were in the hospital, did you ask Me to heal you?"
"Never...Lord, I'm sure you could, if you wanted to....Well, no-I didn't..."
Why not? Why had that thought never occurred to me? Why had I never considered asking the One who made my body to heal it?
I think I've gotten so caught up with striving to trust God's sovereignty, that I just accept what happens and go on with life. Well, why shouldn't I ask God to heal me?? Just because I can't physically touch Christ, does not mean that He's unable to heal me. Maybe I've come to a conclusion-however false-that God doesn't do miracles like that anymore....WRONG! My brother Nathan is walking proof that God stills performs miracles:)
Mark 9:23-24 " Jesus said to him, ' If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.' Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, 'Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!' "
I think that's where I find my heart, struggling to believe in the power of a God who has already done so much to prove His might. Knowing my faith should be stronger because of prayer He has answered and needs He has met. It's a harsh reality check, and a large slice of humble pie. I have not arrived. I have much to learn about my God....oh so much! I think the omnipotence of God is a theology recited, not necessarily practiced. I should believe it because I have seen it, so why don't I? Because He's not done teaching me, I'm not done learning, I don't fully comprehend His capabilities. Who am I kidding? Forget fully comprehending-I BARELY comprehend the depths of His power.
The specific passage escapes me, but I am looking forward to the day that His glory will be revealed. I will no longer be looking through a dark glass, the veil will be fully lifted from my understanding AND I SHALL SEE HIM AS HE IS! The thought makes me weep....someday I will understand, and rejoice in who God is. Perfectly; unadulterated worship, undistracted by my pride, or my stomach, or my tired feet, etc. Perfectly.
Eternally; I will enjoy Him forever and ever tire of him. Better than a crazy-awesome roller coaster with no waiting lines, it won't make me sick and the thrill will never leave:) Righteous!
"But until then, my heart will go on singing. Until then, with joy I'll carry on. Until the day my eyes behold that city, until the day God calls me home!"
Friday, May 14, 2010
My heart is filled with thankfulness...
It's FRIDAY!! Yesterday was so productive compared to today, but I haven't felt as well today-I may have overdone it yesterday....BUT the guest list is done!! Guest lists for showers are done!! people have been contacted, and Theresa Bixby is happy:) I am thankful for people who want to bless me by organizing a shower for me, and I'm thankful that my half of the work is done! Again, the guest list is supposedly the toughest part of planning a wedding. The first couple days we were engaged were pretty awful. My parents were completely unaccustomed to large weddings ad were worried about feeding all the people that John and his family wanted to invite. John was eventually became frustrated with me for trying to please all sides, and I was ready to elope after being engaged for two days!! But God gave so much grace, and my in-laws were so sweet and encouraging, assuring me that about half the people we invited wouldn't even come,but they would most likely send a gift:)
As I think about the help they have been, I am so thankful for them! Mom Pachter has always made me feel so comfortable at family parties, she came and stayed with me in the hospital while John worked with my momma. She is probably one of the sweetest women I know. She is going to be a great mother-in-law. She's kind, thoughtful, helpful(but not intrusive), and has a unique sense of humor. I am always amazed at the things that this family jokes about...
Dad Pachter is a quiet man who can do ever so many things. I'd say he's the jack of all the trades my daddy doesn't do. He is ridiculously patient with Christmas lights, I was impressed to see him helping Mom Pachter with Christmas decorations, organizing linen trunks, etc. Those are things my daddy never had time to do, as he typically worked at least 2 jobs to keep the house warm and food on the table ( Northern living is EXPENSIVE!)
My daddy amazes me with the way he uses the talents God has given him. Daddy has been a General contractor, able to build a house from the foundation up, and everything in between. He has built and assembled automated machines. During the time he was in school for this, he was working a shift and a half on top of it. Travel time was about an hour, meaning he got about 3 hours of sleep every night....for 9 months. Did you know that a piece of paper is 3/1000ths of an inch thick? He can cut a piece of steel to 1/1000th of an inch thick. He's a master welder, a very capable auto mechanic (30+ years experience on buses, motorhomes, family cars and postal vehicles) He's a genius driveway plower, able to plan for an entire winter of falling snow in upstate NY, this takes some thinking. The snow just keeps coming, and eventually, the banks become solid and don't move. So then there is no place to put the new snow. Solution: begin the winter ( in October ) by plowing the driveway wide enough to land a commercial aircraft. By the end of winter (May) there will be just enough room for our van to make it down the driveway. Making the driveway so wide also cuts down on the number of times we kids ( me and my brother Randy )had to shovel before church ( once or twice in 2 hours instead of 5-6 times) My daddy built a small vehicle out of plywood with 2 small axles, 4 wheels and steering capabilities...at the age of 3! I do believe he could figure out anything.
My momma is a tough-as-nails-don't-give-me-any-attitude-jump-when-I-say-jump kind of woman. She taught us colors and pairs by teaching us to fold laundry, probably at 1&1/2 years. She taught me to read at the age of 4, reading from the KJV in Sunday school kind of reading. She taught me to clean a toilet, sweep a floor, make my bed properly, fold clothes correctly and perfectly, how to look for dirt and make it disappear, all before I was 7. She taught me to change a diaper, give a bottle, soothe a teething baby, how to check for a fever, how to potty train and how to discipline according to God's Word. She taught me how to teach, and to train the children I nannied for. She taught me to bake, and how to get a meal prepared and all hot at once ( I definitely need some practice on this one). She taught me to shop carefully, to get the best deals, and that name brands don't matter. She demonstrated how to decorate a home with a very limited budget, and how to use my daddy's money carefully. Cleaning is a consistent part of her daily routine, and my daddy has always appreciated coming home to a clean house.
But the most exciting things I have learned, I have learned from the Holy Spirit that indwells me. I have learned some of my weaknesses, and how to overcome them. I have learned humility ( still learning that one! ), and grace towards others. I have learned that only Christ satisfies me. This is perhaps the most important thing I have learned and understood, apart from the truths of the gospel. As much as I love family, and friends and the ones who care about me, nothing compares to the love of Christ for me. And no one deserves my devotion more than he does.To truly experience the joy and satisfaction that Christ brings leaves me searching the recesses of my mind for words to describe it....unusual for a person who loves words.
So what have I learned from John? I have learned what love is, and how to demonstrate it in a way he understands. I have learned to put his needs above my own-which has been really tough a few times. I have realized what a gift he is, and am starting to see how much he loves me, and I'm in awe. I'm unsure as to why God has given me this man. I know that he is not perfect, I have already seen many of his shortcomings, and will surely learn more as we continue counseling, and as we start life together-but I'm thankful. He loves God, and he loves me.
Sometimes I look around at all the work I've been doing to plan this wedding, and all that has yet to be done, and I think " Holy Crap! I'm actually getting married...for real?? Am I ready for this?" And sometimes I think I'm not, I'm selfish, I'm easily frustrated, I'm prideful-how can I possibly love someone more than myself? How can I possibly serve him, and help him serve others with my sin issues? No,I'm not ready! But then the Holy Spirit calms my heart, and reminds me of the work he has done in me through John. The love he demonstrates to me, and the help he gives me. And the truth is, that God has given me opportunities to be selfless and help John serve others, and to be a humble follower-and has given me the desire to honor Christ, and to honor John! Wow.....As crazy as the whole wedding planning process is, I'm ready. Ready to marry John, ready to start life. Ready to serve him, and serve others with him. Anxious to continue growing more like Christ as we grow together. God is good....He's so very, very good.
As I think about the help they have been, I am so thankful for them! Mom Pachter has always made me feel so comfortable at family parties, she came and stayed with me in the hospital while John worked with my momma. She is probably one of the sweetest women I know. She is going to be a great mother-in-law. She's kind, thoughtful, helpful(but not intrusive), and has a unique sense of humor. I am always amazed at the things that this family jokes about...
Dad Pachter is a quiet man who can do ever so many things. I'd say he's the jack of all the trades my daddy doesn't do. He is ridiculously patient with Christmas lights, I was impressed to see him helping Mom Pachter with Christmas decorations, organizing linen trunks, etc. Those are things my daddy never had time to do, as he typically worked at least 2 jobs to keep the house warm and food on the table ( Northern living is EXPENSIVE!)
My daddy amazes me with the way he uses the talents God has given him. Daddy has been a General contractor, able to build a house from the foundation up, and everything in between. He has built and assembled automated machines. During the time he was in school for this, he was working a shift and a half on top of it. Travel time was about an hour, meaning he got about 3 hours of sleep every night....for 9 months. Did you know that a piece of paper is 3/1000ths of an inch thick? He can cut a piece of steel to 1/1000th of an inch thick. He's a master welder, a very capable auto mechanic (30+ years experience on buses, motorhomes, family cars and postal vehicles) He's a genius driveway plower, able to plan for an entire winter of falling snow in upstate NY, this takes some thinking. The snow just keeps coming, and eventually, the banks become solid and don't move. So then there is no place to put the new snow. Solution: begin the winter ( in October ) by plowing the driveway wide enough to land a commercial aircraft. By the end of winter (May) there will be just enough room for our van to make it down the driveway. Making the driveway so wide also cuts down on the number of times we kids ( me and my brother Randy )had to shovel before church ( once or twice in 2 hours instead of 5-6 times) My daddy built a small vehicle out of plywood with 2 small axles, 4 wheels and steering capabilities...at the age of 3! I do believe he could figure out anything.
My momma is a tough-as-nails-don't-give-me-any-attitude-jump-when-I-say-jump kind of woman. She taught us colors and pairs by teaching us to fold laundry, probably at 1&1/2 years. She taught me to read at the age of 4, reading from the KJV in Sunday school kind of reading. She taught me to clean a toilet, sweep a floor, make my bed properly, fold clothes correctly and perfectly, how to look for dirt and make it disappear, all before I was 7. She taught me to change a diaper, give a bottle, soothe a teething baby, how to check for a fever, how to potty train and how to discipline according to God's Word. She taught me how to teach, and to train the children I nannied for. She taught me to bake, and how to get a meal prepared and all hot at once ( I definitely need some practice on this one). She taught me to shop carefully, to get the best deals, and that name brands don't matter. She demonstrated how to decorate a home with a very limited budget, and how to use my daddy's money carefully. Cleaning is a consistent part of her daily routine, and my daddy has always appreciated coming home to a clean house.
But the most exciting things I have learned, I have learned from the Holy Spirit that indwells me. I have learned some of my weaknesses, and how to overcome them. I have learned humility ( still learning that one! ), and grace towards others. I have learned that only Christ satisfies me. This is perhaps the most important thing I have learned and understood, apart from the truths of the gospel. As much as I love family, and friends and the ones who care about me, nothing compares to the love of Christ for me. And no one deserves my devotion more than he does.To truly experience the joy and satisfaction that Christ brings leaves me searching the recesses of my mind for words to describe it....unusual for a person who loves words.
So what have I learned from John? I have learned what love is, and how to demonstrate it in a way he understands. I have learned to put his needs above my own-which has been really tough a few times. I have realized what a gift he is, and am starting to see how much he loves me, and I'm in awe. I'm unsure as to why God has given me this man. I know that he is not perfect, I have already seen many of his shortcomings, and will surely learn more as we continue counseling, and as we start life together-but I'm thankful. He loves God, and he loves me.
Sometimes I look around at all the work I've been doing to plan this wedding, and all that has yet to be done, and I think " Holy Crap! I'm actually getting married...for real?? Am I ready for this?" And sometimes I think I'm not, I'm selfish, I'm easily frustrated, I'm prideful-how can I possibly love someone more than myself? How can I possibly serve him, and help him serve others with my sin issues? No,I'm not ready! But then the Holy Spirit calms my heart, and reminds me of the work he has done in me through John. The love he demonstrates to me, and the help he gives me. And the truth is, that God has given me opportunities to be selfless and help John serve others, and to be a humble follower-and has given me the desire to honor Christ, and to honor John! Wow.....As crazy as the whole wedding planning process is, I'm ready. Ready to marry John, ready to start life. Ready to serve him, and serve others with him. Anxious to continue growing more like Christ as we grow together. God is good....He's so very, very good.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
New Experiences/ Medical Update
The last 2 weeks in May were a little hairy, to say the least. Yet God so marvelously provided, I simply can't help sharing how good He is!
April 19th was a Monday, and I was not working that day; late that evening, I was at John's house, and SO cold. My very bones were cold, and I couldn't stop shaking! This type of feeling is quite common during a certain time of the month ( which it was ), so I thought nothing of it. So I took some fever reducer and went home to bed. I woke up a few hours later sweating, so I knew that I had broken the fever.
I felt pretty good on Tuesday, so I went to work. Fortunately, all Tristan wanted to do was sit in the playroom and play cars, and their hunting video game. After work I went to John's to clean for Bible Study, and was worn out very quickly, cleaning took about twice as long as it normally does. Once John got home from work, he made me check my temperature- 102 degrees. So I took more fever reducer and fell asleep in his room during Bible Study. My fever had broken by the time everyone went home, so I left as well and went to bed. I had been texting my boss and let her know that it would not be wise for me to work Wednesday, in case I was coming down with some virus. I woke up late Wednesday morning, and every muscle in my body hurt, and taking just a few steps to the bathroom wore me out, and left me very short of breath. I had no saliva, and couldn't drink enough water. I felt like I had a killer case of the flu, but no other symptoms. No cough, congestion, etc. Typically I have one really bad day, and the next day I feel better, so I wasn't too worried. I was in a cold sweat all day, soaking through my clothes and my sheets, and constantly drinking water.
Thursday I woke up after a fitful night of sleep on the floor ( because I had sweat ed through my clothes and sheets ), feeling much worse. At this point I was a little worried. I couldn't stand long enough to take a shower, I had to sit in the tub, and then had a very hard time getting out. More cold sweats, and aches. about 3 pm I started getting worried. I called my momma a couple of times, but she was working that day and didn't answer her phone, so I left her a message telling her I was going to have John take me to the hospital. John left class early to come get me, and called his brother Jamey on his way home. Jamey and his wife Lucy know a good deal about my medical history, and know a bit more about Scleroderma than John did, so he was asking Jamey how worried he should be, etc. Jamey told him that, as I'm not one to complain about pain, or feeling sick, if I thought I needed to go to the hospital, he needed to take me!
So John came and helped me gather things together to get to GMH, he had to carry my down the stairs to the car....that was little humiliating, but I didn't really have a choice. We met up with Jamey at Church St and followed him to the correct ER entrance. He was able to park and wheel me inside while John parked his car. Lucy met us just in the door, got me registered and right back to a triage bed, in about 5 minutes. Withing probably 10 minutes, I had seen a doctor and was getting IV's and blood work started, and got hooked up to a heart monitor. My heart rate upon entering the hospital was 145 bpm, and my respiratory rate was about 135. So even though I was lying still in the bed, my heart was pumping as though I was running a marathon. I was having a very hard time getting enough oxygen, I felt like I was slowly suffocating. Jamey and Lucy got me hooked up to some oxygen, and that helped some. It was so funny to see Jamey teasing her about putting it on wrong, telling her to move aside and let the nurse work! I had been there maybe an hour when my parents arrived, so it was a crowded triage room! :) Lucy stood back and watched the doctors examine me, and then suggested a CT scan on top of the X-rays they were going to take of my chest. She told me that she thought I had Pericarditis, the swelling of the pericardium, which is the lining around the heart. A short while later, the ER doctor came in and told me the same thing, Lucy was excited at how ingenious she is:)
My CT scan revealed some abnormalities on my lungs, which they later discovered were cysts of scar tissue, formed on my lungs because of Scleroderma, an auto-immune disease I had been diagnosed with at the age of 16. I believe I was in the ER about 4 hours, and then I was taken upstairs to the Cardiac Care Unit. Blood work was done every 4 hours, I had 2 IV's pumping me full of fluids(about 5 liters total), and antibiotics, in case I had some bacterial infection that caused all the hoopla. They gave me 3 different antibiotics; the first one for 2 hours, than another for 2 hours, then another for 2 hours, and the cycle repeated itself. It was an almost sleepless night, as the lab vampires came in every four hours, doctors were in about as often, nurses every hour, and my blood pressure cuff went off every 30 minutes.
Friday morning, the dear little resident came in and informed me that they were insert a Foley catheter to be sure my kidneys were functioning properly, as I had yet to go to the bathroom despite the fluids they were giving me. I told him it was merely because my body needed all those fluids, and I hadn't caught up yet-but to no avail!! My nurse came in to put it in, and I'm convinced there is nothing that I have ever experienced as awful as that! My momma told me later that she had "had a catheter with a couple pregnancies....but she had an epidural"....Yeah, I didn't! About an hour and a half later, the resident, the attending, and another doctor came in to check on me and review on the the many labs done that day. I very sweetly, and very matter-of-factly suggested that, since it was clear that my kidneys were functioning properly, it was well past time to remove the catheter! They agreed that it would be ok, and I told the resident that the other two doctors were now my favorites...he thought I was kidding, but I was completely serious.
Jamey and Lucy stopped in that morning as well, and took a look at the bruises forming on my arms from the frequent labs, and commented on how they should be using pediatric tubes on my, which means that they draw the blood up in a syringe, and take far less blood. So he talked to the doctors about it, and they put a sign on the door for the lab vampires to see. That evening they decided I had stabilized enough to have labs done just once a day-at 4 AM. They do that so that the lab results are ready when the doctors start rounds at 6AM....Ungodly hours if you ask me! One particular draw was awful; the tech decided to go in the same place everyone else had been going in, which had turned in to a giant bruise. I don't know that she could even see the vein. And once a vein has been hit numerous times, scar tissue forms, so it's even more difficult to get the needle INTO the vein. So she dug around a couple times. At this point I was exhausted and so tired of having blood drawn; my arms were sore, and the tape was removing my skin in chunks. John was holding my other hand, and I was determined NOT to let this tech see me cry, so I waited til she finished. And seeing me cry made poor John cry. It was a very frustrating 5 minutes, and I'm thankful for the restraint of the Holy Spirit, because that tech was in danger of a broken nose by my sweet fiance.
They started giving me Ambien at night to help me sleep, so when the lab techs came in, I was barely coherent enough to hand them my arm. I think I was asleep as soon as the initial stick was over. The fluids started to build up in my hands and my feet and they swelled ridiculously. John had brought in 3 of his dress shirts, and my momma brought me comfy pants, so I was able to still be hooked up to the monitors, but I was much more comfortable and more modest:)
Mom Pachter came and stayed with me Friday evening while John and my momma went to work, cleaning the office buildings that John and I had been cleaning. She was very sweet and supportive, especially when the vampires came to get blood. I am very blessed to be getting such a sweet lady as my mother-in-law! She also stayed with me Monday night, and she and Uncle Gary and Aunt Suellyn helped me move down to a regular room.
John stayed with me day and night, he took off work on Friday and Monday, and only went home for about an hour to get showered at night. John is a very heavy sleeper....usually takes me a half hour to get him awake if he falls asleep on my parents couch. But every time I stirred, he was at my side, asking if I was ok, offering me water, making sure I was warm enough. My parents were very thankful to see him taking such good care of me. My daddy told him before we started dating that we were unsure of how scleroderma would affect me, that it could get rough, and asked if he had considered that possibility. So for my parents to be able to see how he responded when things got rough for me was a blessing for them, and it made my momma cry.
Saturday I had just about had it with sponge baths, but there was no shower in my room. So y nurse talked to my doctors and they told me that if I could get my BP above 90, they would let me take a shower. So John watched the clock, and about 1 minute before I started kicking my legs and marching in bed, and we got my BP up to 102:) Simple things like showers were truly a gift from God. Other gifts God blessed me with: friends that came to visit, and to sing with me. Aaron Higgs came up 3 or 4 times, and it's always good to see his smiling face!
One medication they put me on IV for a very short time was Potassium phosphate.....That was more painful than 13 labs done in 48 hours!! It started with a burning ache at the IV site that woke me up from a drug induced sleep. The nurse came in and cut the dosage drip in half, hoping that would help. About 20 minutes later, the burning ache moved up my arm and into my shoulder, and woke me up again. By this time my doctors were starting rounds, so they came in and assured me that it was a pretty typical reaction to that drug and that they could just give me the potassium via K-Phos pills.
Monday afternoon I was sent for an MRI, overall, not a terrible experience, but the contrast dye felt a little funny shooting through my IV.
Monday night I finally moved to a regular room, which was considerably smaller, but I had a my own bathroom and shower! Thank you LORD...That was the last night John stayed with me; after sleeping in a small vinyl covered recliner for 5 nights, he was ready to get into his own bed! Tuesday he went back to work, and Alana Chev came to visit me for a while, My housemate/BFF/sister separated at birth, Alicia came for a bit after Alana had left. My momma was able to bring my brother and sister for a visit as well, since I was out of the CCU. So that day passed fairly quickly. That day I had my two IV's taken out of my left arm, and a clean one put in my right forearm, just in case.
Wednesday morning the first thing I asked the resident at 6AM was if he was carrying my discharge papers. He laughed and promised to work on it. Later that morning the resident came back with the attending and the other doctor-I think his name was Dr. White- to discuss my MRI results. I asked him if he had my discharge papers, he smiled and told me it was very likely that I would be discharged, but he needed to confer with the cardiologist. Lucy came by about 10 Am and as we were talking, the attending, Dr. El-Ibiary, came in. We stopped and just stared for a second, and I asked if he had good news for me, and he told me he had just dropped off my discharge papers. Lucy and I cheered, and he blushed a little...My nurse informed me that realistically, it would probably be close to 2PM before the paperwork was finished and I could actually leave. So I got up and started organizing my belongings, and getting decent to leave. I got my IV taken out, and just sat with my momma and waited. Once we got my stuff on a cart, picked up my meds from the hospital pharmacy, and got to the truck, it was about 2:10. Home by 2:30 PM on Wednesday, April 28th.
6 days in the hospital, 4 days in the CCU, and what did God teach me? That I have much to be thankful for. In the midst of this storm, I don't recall doubting God's sovereignty, I was overwhelmed by the love pured on me by my family, John and his family, friends, and my nurses. Jamey and Lucy made sure I got the best cardiology team and internal physicians, God gave me the sweetest nurses, who took wonderful care of me. He gave me hilarious nursing students to amuse me in the room downstairs. I got to shower twice:D My boss has been so completely understanding; occasionally texting me to see how I'm doing, telling me how much they love and miss me, but assuring me not to hurry back to work before I'm ready.
I have been benefiting from my momma's cooking, and the swelling in my hands is gone, taking with it the pain I had in my hands the last 3 days I was in the hospital, and I can see my ankle bones. I was able to go to church Sunday morning, and fellowship with my church family. Saturday I was talking with my momma, and she was marveling at how well God provides when we need it. When Nathan needed hospital care, he got the best neurosurgeon, the best nurses, etc. And God gave me his best too.
My greatest desire during my hospital stay was to, by God's grace, maintain a joyful, uncomplaining spirit. And the LORD made that very easy, as he continuously showed me how gracious and kind he was being. God is good regardless of my circumstances, and he was much kinder than I deserved during these particular circumstances!
April 19th was a Monday, and I was not working that day; late that evening, I was at John's house, and SO cold. My very bones were cold, and I couldn't stop shaking! This type of feeling is quite common during a certain time of the month ( which it was ), so I thought nothing of it. So I took some fever reducer and went home to bed. I woke up a few hours later sweating, so I knew that I had broken the fever.
I felt pretty good on Tuesday, so I went to work. Fortunately, all Tristan wanted to do was sit in the playroom and play cars, and their hunting video game. After work I went to John's to clean for Bible Study, and was worn out very quickly, cleaning took about twice as long as it normally does. Once John got home from work, he made me check my temperature- 102 degrees. So I took more fever reducer and fell asleep in his room during Bible Study. My fever had broken by the time everyone went home, so I left as well and went to bed. I had been texting my boss and let her know that it would not be wise for me to work Wednesday, in case I was coming down with some virus. I woke up late Wednesday morning, and every muscle in my body hurt, and taking just a few steps to the bathroom wore me out, and left me very short of breath. I had no saliva, and couldn't drink enough water. I felt like I had a killer case of the flu, but no other symptoms. No cough, congestion, etc. Typically I have one really bad day, and the next day I feel better, so I wasn't too worried. I was in a cold sweat all day, soaking through my clothes and my sheets, and constantly drinking water.
Thursday I woke up after a fitful night of sleep on the floor ( because I had sweat ed through my clothes and sheets ), feeling much worse. At this point I was a little worried. I couldn't stand long enough to take a shower, I had to sit in the tub, and then had a very hard time getting out. More cold sweats, and aches. about 3 pm I started getting worried. I called my momma a couple of times, but she was working that day and didn't answer her phone, so I left her a message telling her I was going to have John take me to the hospital. John left class early to come get me, and called his brother Jamey on his way home. Jamey and his wife Lucy know a good deal about my medical history, and know a bit more about Scleroderma than John did, so he was asking Jamey how worried he should be, etc. Jamey told him that, as I'm not one to complain about pain, or feeling sick, if I thought I needed to go to the hospital, he needed to take me!
So John came and helped me gather things together to get to GMH, he had to carry my down the stairs to the car....that was little humiliating, but I didn't really have a choice. We met up with Jamey at Church St and followed him to the correct ER entrance. He was able to park and wheel me inside while John parked his car. Lucy met us just in the door, got me registered and right back to a triage bed, in about 5 minutes. Withing probably 10 minutes, I had seen a doctor and was getting IV's and blood work started, and got hooked up to a heart monitor. My heart rate upon entering the hospital was 145 bpm, and my respiratory rate was about 135. So even though I was lying still in the bed, my heart was pumping as though I was running a marathon. I was having a very hard time getting enough oxygen, I felt like I was slowly suffocating. Jamey and Lucy got me hooked up to some oxygen, and that helped some. It was so funny to see Jamey teasing her about putting it on wrong, telling her to move aside and let the nurse work! I had been there maybe an hour when my parents arrived, so it was a crowded triage room! :) Lucy stood back and watched the doctors examine me, and then suggested a CT scan on top of the X-rays they were going to take of my chest. She told me that she thought I had Pericarditis, the swelling of the pericardium, which is the lining around the heart. A short while later, the ER doctor came in and told me the same thing, Lucy was excited at how ingenious she is:)
My CT scan revealed some abnormalities on my lungs, which they later discovered were cysts of scar tissue, formed on my lungs because of Scleroderma, an auto-immune disease I had been diagnosed with at the age of 16. I believe I was in the ER about 4 hours, and then I was taken upstairs to the Cardiac Care Unit. Blood work was done every 4 hours, I had 2 IV's pumping me full of fluids(about 5 liters total), and antibiotics, in case I had some bacterial infection that caused all the hoopla. They gave me 3 different antibiotics; the first one for 2 hours, than another for 2 hours, then another for 2 hours, and the cycle repeated itself. It was an almost sleepless night, as the lab vampires came in every four hours, doctors were in about as often, nurses every hour, and my blood pressure cuff went off every 30 minutes.
Friday morning, the dear little resident came in and informed me that they were insert a Foley catheter to be sure my kidneys were functioning properly, as I had yet to go to the bathroom despite the fluids they were giving me. I told him it was merely because my body needed all those fluids, and I hadn't caught up yet-but to no avail!! My nurse came in to put it in, and I'm convinced there is nothing that I have ever experienced as awful as that! My momma told me later that she had "had a catheter with a couple pregnancies....but she had an epidural"....Yeah, I didn't! About an hour and a half later, the resident, the attending, and another doctor came in to check on me and review on the the many labs done that day. I very sweetly, and very matter-of-factly suggested that, since it was clear that my kidneys were functioning properly, it was well past time to remove the catheter! They agreed that it would be ok, and I told the resident that the other two doctors were now my favorites...he thought I was kidding, but I was completely serious.
Jamey and Lucy stopped in that morning as well, and took a look at the bruises forming on my arms from the frequent labs, and commented on how they should be using pediatric tubes on my, which means that they draw the blood up in a syringe, and take far less blood. So he talked to the doctors about it, and they put a sign on the door for the lab vampires to see. That evening they decided I had stabilized enough to have labs done just once a day-at 4 AM. They do that so that the lab results are ready when the doctors start rounds at 6AM....Ungodly hours if you ask me! One particular draw was awful; the tech decided to go in the same place everyone else had been going in, which had turned in to a giant bruise. I don't know that she could even see the vein. And once a vein has been hit numerous times, scar tissue forms, so it's even more difficult to get the needle INTO the vein. So she dug around a couple times. At this point I was exhausted and so tired of having blood drawn; my arms were sore, and the tape was removing my skin in chunks. John was holding my other hand, and I was determined NOT to let this tech see me cry, so I waited til she finished. And seeing me cry made poor John cry. It was a very frustrating 5 minutes, and I'm thankful for the restraint of the Holy Spirit, because that tech was in danger of a broken nose by my sweet fiance.
They started giving me Ambien at night to help me sleep, so when the lab techs came in, I was barely coherent enough to hand them my arm. I think I was asleep as soon as the initial stick was over. The fluids started to build up in my hands and my feet and they swelled ridiculously. John had brought in 3 of his dress shirts, and my momma brought me comfy pants, so I was able to still be hooked up to the monitors, but I was much more comfortable and more modest:)
Mom Pachter came and stayed with me Friday evening while John and my momma went to work, cleaning the office buildings that John and I had been cleaning. She was very sweet and supportive, especially when the vampires came to get blood. I am very blessed to be getting such a sweet lady as my mother-in-law! She also stayed with me Monday night, and she and Uncle Gary and Aunt Suellyn helped me move down to a regular room.
John stayed with me day and night, he took off work on Friday and Monday, and only went home for about an hour to get showered at night. John is a very heavy sleeper....usually takes me a half hour to get him awake if he falls asleep on my parents couch. But every time I stirred, he was at my side, asking if I was ok, offering me water, making sure I was warm enough. My parents were very thankful to see him taking such good care of me. My daddy told him before we started dating that we were unsure of how scleroderma would affect me, that it could get rough, and asked if he had considered that possibility. So for my parents to be able to see how he responded when things got rough for me was a blessing for them, and it made my momma cry.
Saturday I had just about had it with sponge baths, but there was no shower in my room. So y nurse talked to my doctors and they told me that if I could get my BP above 90, they would let me take a shower. So John watched the clock, and about 1 minute before I started kicking my legs and marching in bed, and we got my BP up to 102:) Simple things like showers were truly a gift from God. Other gifts God blessed me with: friends that came to visit, and to sing with me. Aaron Higgs came up 3 or 4 times, and it's always good to see his smiling face!
One medication they put me on IV for a very short time was Potassium phosphate.....That was more painful than 13 labs done in 48 hours!! It started with a burning ache at the IV site that woke me up from a drug induced sleep. The nurse came in and cut the dosage drip in half, hoping that would help. About 20 minutes later, the burning ache moved up my arm and into my shoulder, and woke me up again. By this time my doctors were starting rounds, so they came in and assured me that it was a pretty typical reaction to that drug and that they could just give me the potassium via K-Phos pills.
Monday afternoon I was sent for an MRI, overall, not a terrible experience, but the contrast dye felt a little funny shooting through my IV.
Monday night I finally moved to a regular room, which was considerably smaller, but I had a my own bathroom and shower! Thank you LORD...That was the last night John stayed with me; after sleeping in a small vinyl covered recliner for 5 nights, he was ready to get into his own bed! Tuesday he went back to work, and Alana Chev came to visit me for a while, My housemate/BFF/sister separated at birth, Alicia came for a bit after Alana had left. My momma was able to bring my brother and sister for a visit as well, since I was out of the CCU. So that day passed fairly quickly. That day I had my two IV's taken out of my left arm, and a clean one put in my right forearm, just in case.
Wednesday morning the first thing I asked the resident at 6AM was if he was carrying my discharge papers. He laughed and promised to work on it. Later that morning the resident came back with the attending and the other doctor-I think his name was Dr. White- to discuss my MRI results. I asked him if he had my discharge papers, he smiled and told me it was very likely that I would be discharged, but he needed to confer with the cardiologist. Lucy came by about 10 Am and as we were talking, the attending, Dr. El-Ibiary, came in. We stopped and just stared for a second, and I asked if he had good news for me, and he told me he had just dropped off my discharge papers. Lucy and I cheered, and he blushed a little...My nurse informed me that realistically, it would probably be close to 2PM before the paperwork was finished and I could actually leave. So I got up and started organizing my belongings, and getting decent to leave. I got my IV taken out, and just sat with my momma and waited. Once we got my stuff on a cart, picked up my meds from the hospital pharmacy, and got to the truck, it was about 2:10. Home by 2:30 PM on Wednesday, April 28th.
6 days in the hospital, 4 days in the CCU, and what did God teach me? That I have much to be thankful for. In the midst of this storm, I don't recall doubting God's sovereignty, I was overwhelmed by the love pured on me by my family, John and his family, friends, and my nurses. Jamey and Lucy made sure I got the best cardiology team and internal physicians, God gave me the sweetest nurses, who took wonderful care of me. He gave me hilarious nursing students to amuse me in the room downstairs. I got to shower twice:D My boss has been so completely understanding; occasionally texting me to see how I'm doing, telling me how much they love and miss me, but assuring me not to hurry back to work before I'm ready.
I have been benefiting from my momma's cooking, and the swelling in my hands is gone, taking with it the pain I had in my hands the last 3 days I was in the hospital, and I can see my ankle bones. I was able to go to church Sunday morning, and fellowship with my church family. Saturday I was talking with my momma, and she was marveling at how well God provides when we need it. When Nathan needed hospital care, he got the best neurosurgeon, the best nurses, etc. And God gave me his best too.
My greatest desire during my hospital stay was to, by God's grace, maintain a joyful, uncomplaining spirit. And the LORD made that very easy, as he continuously showed me how gracious and kind he was being. God is good regardless of my circumstances, and he was much kinder than I deserved during these particular circumstances!
Monday, April 19, 2010
It's Monday again, John and I are looking at another full week of work, cleaning, bible study, etc. I believe John was feeling a little overwhelmed last night as he realized he has a paper due on Tuesday, and we have work tonight. Mondays and Wednesday are long for him, as he goes from school to tutoring to cleaning with me. But, Lord willing, these jobs will end mid-June. God has used it to graciously provide for my need, and give just an extra boost. But it's really wearing on me. I feel like there's so much I should be doing for the wedding, but can't think of what-because I'm working most evenings. Physically, I have more endurance than I did a year ago, now that I'm healthier, but it still wipes me out. But God gives grace, and every day that we clean I'm learning true thankfulness!
Saturday we had engagement pics done, that was so much fun. Only took about an hour and a half, and we got some great stuff. I think I've pretty much decided which one we will use for the invitations, and which ones to print and frame, etc. I'm also going to print off a bunch of my favorites, along with pictures from our actual engagement and scrapbook them....in my spare time??
Sunday was a busy day, running around looking for ties for the groomsmen. We found a couple that would have been perfect, but as they were on sale, there were only two of them...and we needed seven. Oh well, we don't need them until July. And God provides in astounding ways sometimes. I love that about Him! I love to watch Him provide in a way I never expected. And it humbles me when He provides for a need I didn't know I had, or didn't think to talk to Him about.
John and I met up with Anna and Stephen at DB, so Anna could find a dress and get it ordered. After trying on several, I think she narrowed it down to two, and actually was quite sure which one to get. But she needed some more time to think on it;)
We had to rush off to get to church for our first marriage counseling session. I'm so thankful that God put Pastor Barney here, and I'm thankful for the ministry he has been to John. It's been such a blessing for him to hear PB's heart on his ministry in the church, and what God could potentially do at HP. When PB asked what we were expecting from our counseling, we both kind of laughed...we've never done this before, so we're not totally sure what to expect. But I told PB that I didn't care about issues like how to squeeze a tube of toothpaste, or which way the toilet paper goes. Those things have never been an issue-probably because I had four other siblings that I shared a bathroom and toothpaste with;) I wanted to know the tough stuff: how to biblically deal with sin in my spouse, and how to differentiate between actual sin issues that need to be addressed and my own injured pride! I'm excited about the work we have to do, working through theology and worship practices. Those are things I am pretty sure we are united on, but we will see. This kind of quality time is my favorite. I love having specific things to talk through with John;thus far, I have seen that his standards/beliefs are based solely on what he has read in God's Word.. So even if I disagreed, I couldn't disagree long, once I read the scriptures for myself!
I think I had underestimated my role as a "helpmeet", PB said that I would be John's main source of sanctification, as I will know him and his faults better than anyone-so then how do I point him to Christ and his gospel? How will I do that without stepping into spiritual leadership?
John will surely be learning quite a few of my flaws as we begin working through these things together. He told PB that one of the things that drew him to me, was my servant's attitude, and it was one of the areas in which we serve God better together. He said that my servant's spirit has enabled him to work more effectively for the sake of the gospel. But I know that- as much as I desire my motives for service to be purely for the glory of God, and helping the gospel-that's not always the case! Sometimes I weary in well-doing, wondering if my service is even noticed, if I'm even being effective in my ministry. I'm amazed at how many different ways my pride shows itself. I'm looking forward to seeing more ways in which my pride manifests itself, and by God's grace, putting that pride to death, so I can learn how to "help" John:)
So, one meeting with Pastor Barney, and I highly recommend him for counseling. This is going to be tough, intense, unpleasant and very necessary. I'm sure, by God's grace, this will be the most beneficial thing we are doing to prepare for our marriage.
Saturday we had engagement pics done, that was so much fun. Only took about an hour and a half, and we got some great stuff. I think I've pretty much decided which one we will use for the invitations, and which ones to print and frame, etc. I'm also going to print off a bunch of my favorites, along with pictures from our actual engagement and scrapbook them....in my spare time??
Sunday was a busy day, running around looking for ties for the groomsmen. We found a couple that would have been perfect, but as they were on sale, there were only two of them...and we needed seven. Oh well, we don't need them until July. And God provides in astounding ways sometimes. I love that about Him! I love to watch Him provide in a way I never expected. And it humbles me when He provides for a need I didn't know I had, or didn't think to talk to Him about.
John and I met up with Anna and Stephen at DB, so Anna could find a dress and get it ordered. After trying on several, I think she narrowed it down to two, and actually was quite sure which one to get. But she needed some more time to think on it;)
We had to rush off to get to church for our first marriage counseling session. I'm so thankful that God put Pastor Barney here, and I'm thankful for the ministry he has been to John. It's been such a blessing for him to hear PB's heart on his ministry in the church, and what God could potentially do at HP. When PB asked what we were expecting from our counseling, we both kind of laughed...we've never done this before, so we're not totally sure what to expect. But I told PB that I didn't care about issues like how to squeeze a tube of toothpaste, or which way the toilet paper goes. Those things have never been an issue-probably because I had four other siblings that I shared a bathroom and toothpaste with;) I wanted to know the tough stuff: how to biblically deal with sin in my spouse, and how to differentiate between actual sin issues that need to be addressed and my own injured pride! I'm excited about the work we have to do, working through theology and worship practices. Those are things I am pretty sure we are united on, but we will see. This kind of quality time is my favorite. I love having specific things to talk through with John;thus far, I have seen that his standards/beliefs are based solely on what he has read in God's Word.. So even if I disagreed, I couldn't disagree long, once I read the scriptures for myself!
I think I had underestimated my role as a "helpmeet", PB said that I would be John's main source of sanctification, as I will know him and his faults better than anyone-so then how do I point him to Christ and his gospel? How will I do that without stepping into spiritual leadership?
John will surely be learning quite a few of my flaws as we begin working through these things together. He told PB that one of the things that drew him to me, was my servant's attitude, and it was one of the areas in which we serve God better together. He said that my servant's spirit has enabled him to work more effectively for the sake of the gospel. But I know that- as much as I desire my motives for service to be purely for the glory of God, and helping the gospel-that's not always the case! Sometimes I weary in well-doing, wondering if my service is even noticed, if I'm even being effective in my ministry. I'm amazed at how many different ways my pride shows itself. I'm looking forward to seeing more ways in which my pride manifests itself, and by God's grace, putting that pride to death, so I can learn how to "help" John:)
So, one meeting with Pastor Barney, and I highly recommend him for counseling. This is going to be tough, intense, unpleasant and very necessary. I'm sure, by God's grace, this will be the most beneficial thing we are doing to prepare for our marriage.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Latest news
Well, it's been a while. My computer had not been able to connect to the local wireless, and my housemate's computer crashed. After about a half hour of fiddling with my computer, I was able to get it back on the web:) In all reality, it was probably something that would take an tech guy 2 seconds, but I'm enjoying a sense of accomplishment!
Aaron was so helpful in our meeting. I had given him a basic idea of what I wanted, and he made it happen. This past week he put together about 13 different font ideas, and we chose one that needed just a little alteration. He has been very gracious and patient:) This Saturday John and I are having engagement pictures done by John's brother-in-law, Jon Schuler. Hopefully the weather will cooperate and I will be able to communicate what I am looking for as far as the photos are concerned. Once that is done, I can choose a picture for the invitations and send it over to Aaron. I'm using an idea my friend Michelle Dietrich used. The invitation will be a picture of us printed on card stock, with a piece of white vellum paper over it. The invitation details will be printed on the vellum paper, and the two pieces will be attached with a form of baling twine. The font is both rustic and elegant, which the overall theme of the wedding itself. I'm very pleased with what we have so far, and can't wait to order the finished product!
This week has been rather full of change; John started cleaning with me, instead of my momma. God has so richly blessed my daddy with work that Momma was only cleaning to help me out. Now I'm getting 100% of what we make-which is mere pennies for the amount of work it is. But God has graciously provided. Right now, it's just enough extra to make my financial situation a lot easier, and there will be extra for paint, and maybe a couple small things. ..like materials to make a headboard for our master bedroom. I do, however, look forward to the time when John starts evening summer class and we have to give it up. It's very time consuming. Three nights a week are automatically gone. Fortunately, now that John is working with me, I have a little less to pack into a full day. We aren't able to spend a ton of real quality time together, but I feel less badly about going home shortly after we finish work.
Bridesmaid shoes are another task I have to tackle pretty quickly. I think I know what I'm looking for, and where to get them fairly cheaply. But the shoes only come in white or black, and I would like Ivory. So I'm going to buy a pair and try to stain them with coffee or brown shoe polish...We'll see how that goes:)
I met with Evans Robinson last Saturday during the LBB conference at HP, and we were able to figure a general direction for the bridesmaid bouquets, and he was able to make mine. I'm very pleased with his work, and very thankful for his desire to do this as a gift for us! We also have all the flowers for corsages and boutonnieres, and the half the materials for the grapevine ball topiaries flanking the arbor that John and Adam Schaffer are going to make. I still haven't decided whether or not I want an aisle runner....I'm thinking not as it's just another added expense. The floor will be clean, and there will be silk rose petals scattered. That's good enough, I think.
I made a kitchen organization plan the other day..Monday, I think. What's going to go in each cupboard and drawer, etc. My sweet soon-to-be-husband...when I told him, he looked generally confused. He stated that he didn't realize that needed to be thought through and planned. I reassured him that there are probably very few people who are that OCD, and reminded him of my delight in the cleaning product aisles to prove my point. But he will appreciate it someday!
I suppose I should go make good use of my partial day off by going to buy cleaning supplies for work tonight and set about purchasing and staining shoes:) I'll let you know how that turns out.
Aaron was so helpful in our meeting. I had given him a basic idea of what I wanted, and he made it happen. This past week he put together about 13 different font ideas, and we chose one that needed just a little alteration. He has been very gracious and patient:) This Saturday John and I are having engagement pictures done by John's brother-in-law, Jon Schuler. Hopefully the weather will cooperate and I will be able to communicate what I am looking for as far as the photos are concerned. Once that is done, I can choose a picture for the invitations and send it over to Aaron. I'm using an idea my friend Michelle Dietrich used. The invitation will be a picture of us printed on card stock, with a piece of white vellum paper over it. The invitation details will be printed on the vellum paper, and the two pieces will be attached with a form of baling twine. The font is both rustic and elegant, which the overall theme of the wedding itself. I'm very pleased with what we have so far, and can't wait to order the finished product!
This week has been rather full of change; John started cleaning with me, instead of my momma. God has so richly blessed my daddy with work that Momma was only cleaning to help me out. Now I'm getting 100% of what we make-which is mere pennies for the amount of work it is. But God has graciously provided. Right now, it's just enough extra to make my financial situation a lot easier, and there will be extra for paint, and maybe a couple small things. ..like materials to make a headboard for our master bedroom. I do, however, look forward to the time when John starts evening summer class and we have to give it up. It's very time consuming. Three nights a week are automatically gone. Fortunately, now that John is working with me, I have a little less to pack into a full day. We aren't able to spend a ton of real quality time together, but I feel less badly about going home shortly after we finish work.
Bridesmaid shoes are another task I have to tackle pretty quickly. I think I know what I'm looking for, and where to get them fairly cheaply. But the shoes only come in white or black, and I would like Ivory. So I'm going to buy a pair and try to stain them with coffee or brown shoe polish...We'll see how that goes:)
I met with Evans Robinson last Saturday during the LBB conference at HP, and we were able to figure a general direction for the bridesmaid bouquets, and he was able to make mine. I'm very pleased with his work, and very thankful for his desire to do this as a gift for us! We also have all the flowers for corsages and boutonnieres, and the half the materials for the grapevine ball topiaries flanking the arbor that John and Adam Schaffer are going to make. I still haven't decided whether or not I want an aisle runner....I'm thinking not as it's just another added expense. The floor will be clean, and there will be silk rose petals scattered. That's good enough, I think.
I made a kitchen organization plan the other day..Monday, I think. What's going to go in each cupboard and drawer, etc. My sweet soon-to-be-husband...when I told him, he looked generally confused. He stated that he didn't realize that needed to be thought through and planned. I reassured him that there are probably very few people who are that OCD, and reminded him of my delight in the cleaning product aisles to prove my point. But he will appreciate it someday!
I suppose I should go make good use of my partial day off by going to buy cleaning supplies for work tonight and set about purchasing and staining shoes:) I'll let you know how that turns out.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Guest list and Bridal showers....
In a word:YUCK! My honey tells me this is the worst part...so he has heard:) Adding in all the people that are MUST be invited, and trying to find comfort in that fact that only about 1/2 will even come. Then to separate the out-of-towners who won't be around for a bridal shower from those who will, and find a place big enough to hold them all. I have decided it's the most awkward thing in the world to ask someone to throw you a party in their home. Fortunately there are people in our church who have volunteered their homes for just such a thing..
We have registered at Bed Bath and Beyond-I may have already mentioned that. Tonight we sat down with John's parents and worked through the guest list. We deleted a lot of names and added a bunch to the list.
Music list and rough draft of order of service is done. We've decided on musicians, and have talked with a few of them. We decided that we really would like the wedding party to just be in the wedding and be there for pictures, and not have any other responsibilities. So Ben, Aaron and Sam are excluded for being involved with music. We are having only male vocalists. John won't let me sing in our wedding, and I don't know any female vocalists who's voices lend themselves to a more contemporary style of music. Oh well:) I like male vocalists better anyway.
My to-do list for tomorrow is only about a mile long, to be done before work at night: Clean John's house for Bible study on Tuesday night, look for ballet slippers, find flowers for boutonnieres and corsages for Groomsmen and mothers/grandmothers/great-grandmother,meet Aaron for lunch at Panera to discuss invitations and wedding programs, go to the bank and pay Momma, pay bills with a thankful attitude that God has provided the means to fulfill my responsibilities :)
This morning I went to the ICM service with John, and went to my Momma's class and met her kids. Then I hopped on the bus and met a little boy named Antionne. He's a sweet little first grader, a little bitty boy. He came and sat next to me and showed his Sunday school paper. He kept scooting closer and closer, so I said "hey, you wanna sit on my lap so you can look out the window??" And he said " yeah, OK" So we talked about fire trucks and motorcycles for a minute, then he shivered and said he was cold. So I wrapped him up in my sweater and pulled him close. And he turned in my lap and just snuggled into my shoulder. I sang to him all the way to his house, and when we got to his stop, he said " I gotta go now....I love you" and he gave me a kiss on the cheek and skipped off the bus. That boy made me melt right there in my seat. I wanted to take him home with me so badly! So I told John tonight that someday I want to adopt a little african-american baby:) He agrees, but marriage comes first! Anyhoo...to bed with me!
We have registered at Bed Bath and Beyond-I may have already mentioned that. Tonight we sat down with John's parents and worked through the guest list. We deleted a lot of names and added a bunch to the list.
Music list and rough draft of order of service is done. We've decided on musicians, and have talked with a few of them. We decided that we really would like the wedding party to just be in the wedding and be there for pictures, and not have any other responsibilities. So Ben, Aaron and Sam are excluded for being involved with music. We are having only male vocalists. John won't let me sing in our wedding, and I don't know any female vocalists who's voices lend themselves to a more contemporary style of music. Oh well:) I like male vocalists better anyway.
My to-do list for tomorrow is only about a mile long, to be done before work at night: Clean John's house for Bible study on Tuesday night, look for ballet slippers, find flowers for boutonnieres and corsages for Groomsmen and mothers/grandmothers/great-grandmother,meet Aaron for lunch at Panera to discuss invitations and wedding programs, go to the bank and pay Momma, pay bills with a thankful attitude that God has provided the means to fulfill my responsibilities :)
This morning I went to the ICM service with John, and went to my Momma's class and met her kids. Then I hopped on the bus and met a little boy named Antionne. He's a sweet little first grader, a little bitty boy. He came and sat next to me and showed his Sunday school paper. He kept scooting closer and closer, so I said "hey, you wanna sit on my lap so you can look out the window??" And he said " yeah, OK" So we talked about fire trucks and motorcycles for a minute, then he shivered and said he was cold. So I wrapped him up in my sweater and pulled him close. And he turned in my lap and just snuggled into my shoulder. I sang to him all the way to his house, and when we got to his stop, he said " I gotta go now....I love you" and he gave me a kiss on the cheek and skipped off the bus. That boy made me melt right there in my seat. I wanted to take him home with me so badly! So I told John tonight that someday I want to adopt a little african-american baby:) He agrees, but marriage comes first! Anyhoo...to bed with me!
Friday, April 2, 2010
A very Good Friday indeed.
"but He was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace" That brought MY sinful soul peace " and with his stripes we are healed." Isaiah 53:5
Reading the account of the crucifxion of my Jesus in Luke 23 has always been such a sobering process...I wonder why I don't do it more often. If I read this account every day, would I become calloused to the glorious truth that is there? That Christ willingly gave his life to redeem me? Or would I be so consumed with joy and thankfulness on a daily basis, that my words and actions would be completely different....I would hope for the latter. I would hope that remembering the sacrifice of that day would change my everyday, that all I do would be done to bring glory and joy to this God/man who died to reconcile me to a holy God.
The account of the crucifixion in Matthew 27 is probably my favorite of all gospel accounts,as it gives me the details I treasure most. That Jesus' life was not taken, rather, it was given up. Vs 51 describes the tearing of the veil leading to the Most Holy Place in the temple. Jesus' death opened the path for me to come to God, as he became the highest priest. And I cannot fathom the heartbreak and suffering Jesus endured having lost fellowship with his Father, because of my sin. While I have been redeemed, I have never know perfect fellowship with God. It has ALWAYS been marred by my sin, my pride, my self love; and to be out of fellowship with God (as sinful as I am it happens frequently) is miserable enough for me, how much more so for the beloved Son of God?
" I can't comprehend this fathomless love, gripped and amazed by what you have done. Why would the adored become the despised, to bear all the furious wrath that was mine? How awesome this mystery, of your fathomless love for me."
Sunday is coming, the tomb did not stay full!!
Reading the account of the crucifxion of my Jesus in Luke 23 has always been such a sobering process...I wonder why I don't do it more often. If I read this account every day, would I become calloused to the glorious truth that is there? That Christ willingly gave his life to redeem me? Or would I be so consumed with joy and thankfulness on a daily basis, that my words and actions would be completely different....I would hope for the latter. I would hope that remembering the sacrifice of that day would change my everyday, that all I do would be done to bring glory and joy to this God/man who died to reconcile me to a holy God.
The account of the crucifixion in Matthew 27 is probably my favorite of all gospel accounts,as it gives me the details I treasure most. That Jesus' life was not taken, rather, it was given up. Vs 51 describes the tearing of the veil leading to the Most Holy Place in the temple. Jesus' death opened the path for me to come to God, as he became the highest priest. And I cannot fathom the heartbreak and suffering Jesus endured having lost fellowship with his Father, because of my sin. While I have been redeemed, I have never know perfect fellowship with God. It has ALWAYS been marred by my sin, my pride, my self love; and to be out of fellowship with God (as sinful as I am it happens frequently) is miserable enough for me, how much more so for the beloved Son of God?
" I can't comprehend this fathomless love, gripped and amazed by what you have done. Why would the adored become the despised, to bear all the furious wrath that was mine? How awesome this mystery, of your fathomless love for me."
Sunday is coming, the tomb did not stay full!!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Quick Happy Update:)
I got a chance to talk to my friend Becky Adams tonight. I lived with Becky and her husband Danny and their daughter Abby when I first moved to Philadelphia. She informed me that she was most definitely planning on being at our wedding, so I was then able to ask her to be one of my bridesmaids. So that's another thing off my list of things to do this week. All of my bridal party has been selected, asked, and have accepted their role:) No, not the flower girl and ring bearer...TOMORROW! Now to bed with me.....
My God truly does give me good gifts!
Today my God amazed me with His generosity.I got a call from the man who rents out the dutch Barn, our venue of choice. He informed me that the barn is available for rent for July 31st, and that we could get the keys a week in advance-keys for what, I'm not sure. We walked right in because the door is just latched. Anyhoo, he said that we could go in at any time that week to clean and decorate/set up tables. He said it would be fine to padlock the door to keep passersby out, and to move all the nasty tables in there outside out of the way:) There a $150 reservation fee/damage protection fee that will be refunded once everything is cleaned up and put back in place. Rent for the building is.....$375! I had been praying for less than $800, and then I met a woman at Hobby Lobby who's church had rented it for $500. $375, was such a blessing!
As I talked to my boss this morning, she asked if I had been able to find more work, as I had been cut down to 2 days a week for their family. She wanted to spend more time at home, her boss hired another person to cover her work, and apparently it's not been getting done. Most likely the person hired will quit, so Angelena took on another bit of work. So that means I am back to 3 days a week with cleaning on Mon-Wed-Sat. And I'm starting another weekend contract this Saturday. God is so gracious! He has been teaching me to trust Him with little details like work....and has graciously provided! I am so excited to continue working for their family, especially as summer is around the corner. Once the kids are out of school I will make a bit more hourly, and they're such sweet kids. The boys particularly are a ton of fun. We spent all day yesterday at the creek in their development, skipping rocks, looking for tadpoles and minnows, exploring and digging in the dirt, and climbing trees. Little boys are the best:)
As I talked to my boss this morning, she asked if I had been able to find more work, as I had been cut down to 2 days a week for their family. She wanted to spend more time at home, her boss hired another person to cover her work, and apparently it's not been getting done. Most likely the person hired will quit, so Angelena took on another bit of work. So that means I am back to 3 days a week with cleaning on Mon-Wed-Sat. And I'm starting another weekend contract this Saturday. God is so gracious! He has been teaching me to trust Him with little details like work....and has graciously provided! I am so excited to continue working for their family, especially as summer is around the corner. Once the kids are out of school I will make a bit more hourly, and they're such sweet kids. The boys particularly are a ton of fun. We spent all day yesterday at the creek in their development, skipping rocks, looking for tadpoles and minnows, exploring and digging in the dirt, and climbing trees. Little boys are the best:)
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
And so it begins!
The planning has commenced:) The dress has been bought, and the bridal party chosen, most of them have been asked to participate-just one or two more to get in touch with at this point. My friend Candice gave me some wonderful advice prior to John and I getting engaged; She encouraged me to choose attendants that were an active part of my spiritual life, people who were ecouraging me and keeping me accountable, and that would continue to do so in the future.
I had always planned for my brother Randy to stand beside me as my man-of-honor, and he seemed very pleased to have been asked. I promised that he wouldn't have to throw me a personal shower or walk with a dude, and he laughed and told "ok, cool. Whatever you want babe!" .....That's why he's my favorite:)
I also chose a matron-of-honor, my friend Candice. She has been a source of great spiritual encouragement, wisdom and advice during the dating relationship, and I'm confident that our friendship will continue as she counsels me thorugh marriage too:)
I chose my best friend/housemate/sister Alicia, who is so very much like me, yet so very different. We have always said that we should have been sisters, but if we had been, we would have killed each other. So God made us wait till we were each more sanctified!
I chose my sister Allie, who is more like me than I can imagine sometimes. She has a very kind and servant minded spirit. She is developing her sense of humor; so sometimes she is less than funny, and sometimes shockingly hilarious!
I also chose Anna Payne. She has been a dear friend since God impressed on her heart to talk to me in fall of '06. God has orchestrated the events of our lives so that we are always experiencing the same trials or joys at the same times, or very close to it,the same spiritual dryness, or quenching. When I informed her that there would be a married woman in her bridal party ( she's getting married about 3 weeks after JOhn and I but has been engaged since Christmas ), she was giddy and giggly as she told her fiance, Stephen. Once again God has allowed us to experience a major life change together, and I'm thankful for her unslefish attitude towards me. I knew when I told her that she would not think I was stealing her thunder or anything like that, and promptly offered me her decorations that she would use after me....What a blessing she is to me.
I have chosen one other, but as I have not had time to talk to her about it yet, I will not mention her name. But she is a sweet godly woman, who has mentored me and allowed me to be part of her family's everyday life. And continues to encourage me from a distance.
Monday shopping trip with Momma; God was so kind!! We headed to Michaels and Hobby Lobby to get ideas. We found ALL the flowers for bouquets, table arrangments, ribbon for bouquets, grapevine wreaths for decorating, ivory tulle, a cake topper and flowers for the cake,and the supplies to make my veil and headpiece for less than $200. The flowers and wreaths and ribbon were all on sale for 50% off. We have found the perfect venue, but are still waiting to hear back from the renter. It's not a very popular venue, and not advertised, so we're praying that God opens this door for us too. It's absolutely perfect. It'll seat all of our guests, it's very rustic....makes me think of home.
My biggest concern thus far has been more spiritual than monetary issues or planning. It's our desire to accurately display Christ's pursuit and love for his bride, the church, through our wedding ceremony. But if my attitude is not right during the planning, then the ceremony is less effective, maybe even hypocritical. So I am asking prayer for myself as I plan this wedding, that I would be gracious to others, that I would trust God's sovereignty as He already has my wedding planned. Pray that I will be kind and selfless, and bear in mind my true goal;to make Christ look big, beautiful, and wonderful for who He is and what He has done in my life.
Another food-for-thought moment; I have already been in a situation where I feel torn between making my parents happy and appeasing my soon-to-be-husband. I literally felt like I was being torn apart inside. While I marveled at how God created the human body to feel emotional distress, I was reminded that I was made in His image. I wondered if perhaps that how God feels when I sin......Is He ever torn between punishing my sin and showing me grace??
I had always planned for my brother Randy to stand beside me as my man-of-honor, and he seemed very pleased to have been asked. I promised that he wouldn't have to throw me a personal shower or walk with a dude, and he laughed and told "ok, cool. Whatever you want babe!" .....That's why he's my favorite:)
I also chose a matron-of-honor, my friend Candice. She has been a source of great spiritual encouragement, wisdom and advice during the dating relationship, and I'm confident that our friendship will continue as she counsels me thorugh marriage too:)
I chose my best friend/housemate/sister Alicia, who is so very much like me, yet so very different. We have always said that we should have been sisters, but if we had been, we would have killed each other. So God made us wait till we were each more sanctified!
I chose my sister Allie, who is more like me than I can imagine sometimes. She has a very kind and servant minded spirit. She is developing her sense of humor; so sometimes she is less than funny, and sometimes shockingly hilarious!
I also chose Anna Payne. She has been a dear friend since God impressed on her heart to talk to me in fall of '06. God has orchestrated the events of our lives so that we are always experiencing the same trials or joys at the same times, or very close to it,the same spiritual dryness, or quenching. When I informed her that there would be a married woman in her bridal party ( she's getting married about 3 weeks after JOhn and I but has been engaged since Christmas ), she was giddy and giggly as she told her fiance, Stephen. Once again God has allowed us to experience a major life change together, and I'm thankful for her unslefish attitude towards me. I knew when I told her that she would not think I was stealing her thunder or anything like that, and promptly offered me her decorations that she would use after me....What a blessing she is to me.
I have chosen one other, but as I have not had time to talk to her about it yet, I will not mention her name. But she is a sweet godly woman, who has mentored me and allowed me to be part of her family's everyday life. And continues to encourage me from a distance.
Monday shopping trip with Momma; God was so kind!! We headed to Michaels and Hobby Lobby to get ideas. We found ALL the flowers for bouquets, table arrangments, ribbon for bouquets, grapevine wreaths for decorating, ivory tulle, a cake topper and flowers for the cake,and the supplies to make my veil and headpiece for less than $200. The flowers and wreaths and ribbon were all on sale for 50% off. We have found the perfect venue, but are still waiting to hear back from the renter. It's not a very popular venue, and not advertised, so we're praying that God opens this door for us too. It's absolutely perfect. It'll seat all of our guests, it's very rustic....makes me think of home.
My biggest concern thus far has been more spiritual than monetary issues or planning. It's our desire to accurately display Christ's pursuit and love for his bride, the church, through our wedding ceremony. But if my attitude is not right during the planning, then the ceremony is less effective, maybe even hypocritical. So I am asking prayer for myself as I plan this wedding, that I would be gracious to others, that I would trust God's sovereignty as He already has my wedding planned. Pray that I will be kind and selfless, and bear in mind my true goal;to make Christ look big, beautiful, and wonderful for who He is and what He has done in my life.
Another food-for-thought moment; I have already been in a situation where I feel torn between making my parents happy and appeasing my soon-to-be-husband. I literally felt like I was being torn apart inside. While I marveled at how God created the human body to feel emotional distress, I was reminded that I was made in His image. I wondered if perhaps that how God feels when I sin......Is He ever torn between punishing my sin and showing me grace??
The dress...
I saw a dress on David's Bridal's online store about a year and a half ago as I was perusing the website. It caught my eye right away for the unique-ness of it. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I like things that are a little different than everyone else's:) Over the last year and a half I have thought more and more about that dress, and eventually decided that when I did get engaged, it would be the first dress I would try on.
My best friend/sister/housemate,Alicia, is getting married next year. She had an appointment at David's Bridal on saturday afternoon, the day after John asked me to marry him. So my mom and I had both planned to go with her, as I am the Matron of honor, and Alicia's mom is out of state. Alicia didn't spend too much time trying dresses on, she knew between two dresses in about 20 minutes. So I asked my mom if she thought I could try on hat particular dress since we were already there. So Momma talked to the consultant and explained that I had just been enagaged and how soon the wedding is, and the consultant brought out the dress in champagne and white.
I put the champagne one on first and it was a near perfect fit. When I walked out of the dressing room to the mirror, my mom gasped and told that there was no need to try the white one on. She could tell by the look on my face and how I looked in it, that we had found my dress.
Momma sent Daddy a text picture of it and then called him to tell him about the dress. We made an appointment for him to come with us the next day after church to see me in it. So it was a regular family affair:) So we went to the back of the store, got measured and pinned for the necessary alterations and will pick up my purchased dress on May 7th!
My best friend/sister/housemate,Alicia, is getting married next year. She had an appointment at David's Bridal on saturday afternoon, the day after John asked me to marry him. So my mom and I had both planned to go with her, as I am the Matron of honor, and Alicia's mom is out of state. Alicia didn't spend too much time trying dresses on, she knew between two dresses in about 20 minutes. So I asked my mom if she thought I could try on hat particular dress since we were already there. So Momma talked to the consultant and explained that I had just been enagaged and how soon the wedding is, and the consultant brought out the dress in champagne and white.
I put the champagne one on first and it was a near perfect fit. When I walked out of the dressing room to the mirror, my mom gasped and told that there was no need to try the white one on. She could tell by the look on my face and how I looked in it, that we had found my dress.
Momma sent Daddy a text picture of it and then called him to tell him about the dress. We made an appointment for him to come with us the next day after church to see me in it. So it was a regular family affair:) So we went to the back of the store, got measured and pinned for the necessary alterations and will pick up my purchased dress on May 7th!
Engagement Story:
The story as previously written for facebook. Please forgive the craziness and lack of logical thought process, I've been in quite a whirlwind!
A few weeks ago, John and my momma and I were discussing wedding venues and general ideas. He mentioned time frame being Christmas or next summer. My wonderful Momma blurted out, "What's wrong with THIS summer?? I was really hoping to have this family thing wrapped up before then!" His response was less than favorable.... John is taking classes to get his masters in education, and had to pay for this last semester out of pocket. Which meant he had that sum on a credit card. And we both were pretty adamant about eliminating debt before we were married. So he just said that we needed to pray that God sent a bunch of tree jobs his way. So I did:)
We had seen a particular diamond ring at an antique store near John's house in early February, and it was just everything I loved in a ring. But at that time we weren't necessarily considering marriage soon.
This last Friday was our six month anniversary, and John had made reservations at the Rio Grille in downtown G-ville. He had mentioned wanting to go to Falls park beforehand if the weather permitted, and I thought " Man, that would be a nice place to get engaged.....it's not happening.." So I had talked myself out of expecting it. He picked me up at my place about 4 pm and we headed downtown. God answered our prayer for a parking spot right on the bridge, and we headed down into the park.
John had told me on the way that Jonathan and Jeanette had invited us to hang out with us that night. And then while we were there he got a call from Aaron. He told me that Aaron had wanted to hang out with us that night too. So we wandered around some more, and he led me down the hill to the bank of the river. I put up a very small fuss as I was wearing new shoes that were slick. He led me to a bench with a dozen yellow roses with orange tips, a card and a gold wrapped box.
When I opened the box, I found a new silver chain for a necklace that I had broken just that week. So I was blown away by his thoughtfulness because he knew that it was my favorite necklace, but I had only mentioned once that it had broken.
I asked him how he got it down there, and he told me he might tell me "someday". I looked up and saw a man that looked strangely like Aaron Higgs walking across the hill with a camera. So I asked if it could possibly have been that man that looked ridiculously like our friend Aaron. He said "ummm...yeah, maybe....ok, yeah. It was Aaron." So he told me that we had another hour til our reservation at the Rio Grille, so we should walk around some more. He led me down to the bridge in the back corner and told me he had one more gift for me. So he whipped the ring out of his pocket and said that this one would require a little more commitment. And he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. When I first saw the ring I said
"Really? Really???" And when he asked me, my response was immediate and "Absolutely!" So he stood and put the ring on my finger and gave me a hug.
Pictures, and hellos to Jeanette and Jonathan and we headed to the Rio Grille, texting most of the way. I did eventually put the phone away and eat lots of meat!! I told my mom I had decided to start a "save the vegetables" campaign, and become a meatatarian:) So that's the story
A few weeks ago, John and my momma and I were discussing wedding venues and general ideas. He mentioned time frame being Christmas or next summer. My wonderful Momma blurted out, "What's wrong with THIS summer?? I was really hoping to have this family thing wrapped up before then!" His response was less than favorable.... John is taking classes to get his masters in education, and had to pay for this last semester out of pocket. Which meant he had that sum on a credit card. And we both were pretty adamant about eliminating debt before we were married. So he just said that we needed to pray that God sent a bunch of tree jobs his way. So I did:)
We had seen a particular diamond ring at an antique store near John's house in early February, and it was just everything I loved in a ring. But at that time we weren't necessarily considering marriage soon.
This last Friday was our six month anniversary, and John had made reservations at the Rio Grille in downtown G-ville. He had mentioned wanting to go to Falls park beforehand if the weather permitted, and I thought " Man, that would be a nice place to get engaged.....it's not happening.." So I had talked myself out of expecting it. He picked me up at my place about 4 pm and we headed downtown. God answered our prayer for a parking spot right on the bridge, and we headed down into the park.
John had told me on the way that Jonathan and Jeanette had invited us to hang out with us that night. And then while we were there he got a call from Aaron. He told me that Aaron had wanted to hang out with us that night too. So we wandered around some more, and he led me down the hill to the bank of the river. I put up a very small fuss as I was wearing new shoes that were slick. He led me to a bench with a dozen yellow roses with orange tips, a card and a gold wrapped box.
When I opened the box, I found a new silver chain for a necklace that I had broken just that week. So I was blown away by his thoughtfulness because he knew that it was my favorite necklace, but I had only mentioned once that it had broken.
I asked him how he got it down there, and he told me he might tell me "someday". I looked up and saw a man that looked strangely like Aaron Higgs walking across the hill with a camera. So I asked if it could possibly have been that man that looked ridiculously like our friend Aaron. He said "ummm...yeah, maybe....ok, yeah. It was Aaron." So he told me that we had another hour til our reservation at the Rio Grille, so we should walk around some more. He led me down to the bridge in the back corner and told me he had one more gift for me. So he whipped the ring out of his pocket and said that this one would require a little more commitment. And he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. When I first saw the ring I said
"Really? Really???" And when he asked me, my response was immediate and "Absolutely!" So he stood and put the ring on my finger and gave me a hug.
Pictures, and hellos to Jeanette and Jonathan and we headed to the Rio Grille, texting most of the way. I did eventually put the phone away and eat lots of meat!! I told my mom I had decided to start a "save the vegetables" campaign, and become a meatatarian:) So that's the story
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