My heart took quite a rebuke last night...Pastor Conley was in Matthew, where we have been for a couple of months now. the second half of Matthew chapter 9. He described the desperation of Jairus who came to Jesus to ask him to raise his daughter from the dead. He explained what the woman with the issue of blood had dealt with for 12 years, how it had made her ceremonially unclean, and cut her off from her family. Her faith in the power Christ had to heal her made her reason that if she could just touch his coat, she could be healed.
And then the Holy Spirit started poking....." you've had this disease for six years....when have you ever asked Me to heal you? Do you think that I can't? When you were in the hospital, did you ask Me to heal you?"
"Never...Lord, I'm sure you could, if you wanted to....Well, no-I didn't..."
Why not? Why had that thought never occurred to me? Why had I never considered asking the One who made my body to heal it?
I think I've gotten so caught up with striving to trust God's sovereignty, that I just accept what happens and go on with life. Well, why shouldn't I ask God to heal me?? Just because I can't physically touch Christ, does not mean that He's unable to heal me. Maybe I've come to a conclusion-however false-that God doesn't do miracles like that anymore....WRONG! My brother Nathan is walking proof that God stills performs miracles:)
Mark 9:23-24 " Jesus said to him, ' If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.' Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, 'Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!' "
I think that's where I find my heart, struggling to believe in the power of a God who has already done so much to prove His might. Knowing my faith should be stronger because of prayer He has answered and needs He has met. It's a harsh reality check, and a large slice of humble pie. I have not arrived. I have much to learn about my God....oh so much! I think the omnipotence of God is a theology recited, not necessarily practiced. I should believe it because I have seen it, so why don't I? Because He's not done teaching me, I'm not done learning, I don't fully comprehend His capabilities. Who am I kidding? Forget fully comprehending-I BARELY comprehend the depths of His power.
The specific passage escapes me, but I am looking forward to the day that His glory will be revealed. I will no longer be looking through a dark glass, the veil will be fully lifted from my understanding AND I SHALL SEE HIM AS HE IS! The thought makes me weep....someday I will understand, and rejoice in who God is. Perfectly; unadulterated worship, undistracted by my pride, or my stomach, or my tired feet, etc. Perfectly.
Eternally; I will enjoy Him forever and ever tire of him. Better than a crazy-awesome roller coaster with no waiting lines, it won't make me sick and the thrill will never leave:) Righteous!
"But until then, my heart will go on singing. Until then, with joy I'll carry on. Until the day my eyes behold that city, until the day God calls me home!"
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